guiding you through grief, loss, and new life
Friendships fresh and current

Friendships fresh and current

My wise aunt, a therapist, once told me that becoming yourself is not for the faint of heart. With each step towards greater authenticity, expect to lose at least one friend, she said. You outgrow some relationships and draw new ones more resonant with who you are now.

This scared me when I was young, before I understood myself as a seeker constantly evolving. Before I knew from experience that honoring who I am and what I need serves Spirit better than people pleasing and being nice.

This invisible rhythm of loving, letting go, and loving some more now feels inevitable. As I shed stale aspects of me and dare to be more true, I need companions doing the same in their lives.

Still, change can be horribly painful. Sometimes friends have attachment to how you are to them — even if you feel small and stuck inside some projection. Or you realize you won’t let yourself be real with that person, because you don’t feel safe. And so you have to decide to move forward together or apart.

The heartbreak in parting is real, whether there is big drama or a glacial drifting away. Rarely do we part with grace and forgiveness and honor in the moment.

But sometimes you and another brave soul friend break through a kerfuffle to another level of understanding. It’s terribly vulnerable and raw.

I experienced the gift of this with a friend recently. It’s like the Japanese pottery practice of kintsugi, making a broken vessel stronger by filling in cracks with gold. Not hiding the break, but highlighting the repair as a beautiful part of its history.

Look around. Who are you naturally moving away from? Who inspires resentment or frustration? Who makes you feel tired after seeing them? Who makes you feel really good, just being around them? Who challenges you, invites you to take risks that help you grow?

Keep turning to your body wisdom – your emotions and physical sensations – as your guide to who’s right for you right now. Keep your friendships fresh and current.

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Healing Quotes

“The next message you need is always right where you are.”

– Ram Dass

“It’s time again. Tear up the violets and plant something more difficult to grow.”

– James Schuyler

“Joy moves always to new locations,
the ease of its flow never freezing.
A long winter’s tale is over. Now
with each spring day, a new story.”

– Rumi

“Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color.”

– W. S. Merwin

“Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them…life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.”

– Gabriel Garcia Marquez

“Don’t run away from grief, o soul
Look for the remedy inside the pain.
Because the rose came from the thorn
And the ruby came from a stone.”

– Rumi

“Our only security is our ability to change.”

– John Lilly

“Grief is not a task to finish,
And move on,
But an element of yourself –
An alteration of your being.
A new way of seeing,
A new definition of self.”

– Barb Mather

“Everything in life that we really accept undergoes a change. So suffering must become love. That is the mystery.”

– Katherine Mansfield

“There is deep wisdom within our very flesh, if we can only come to our senses and feel it.”

– Elizabeth A. Behnke

“The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty YES to your adventure.”

– Joseph Campbell

“Now is the moment, Here is the place of Liberation.”

– Alex Grey

“The absolute tranquility is the present moment. Though it is at this moment, there is no limit to this moment, and therein is eternal delight.”

– Hui-Neng

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

– E. M. Forster

“In order to be a good warrior, one has to feel this sad and tender heart.”

– Chogyam Trungpa

“We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.”

– Bill Hicks