guiding you through grief, loss, and new life
Goodbye and hello

Goodbye and hello


When my father died, I did not get to say goodbye. He died across the country, so when I heard the news the next morning, I comforted my mother and silently spoke to his spirit with my thanks and blessings. That was six years ago, and I still am saying goodbye – and hello – to him. At odd moments I will feel his presence, or notice something that reminds me of him, and I will say, ‘Oh, there you are. Hi, Dad.’

If you are lucky, you already have or will get to have the experience of being with someone close – a relative, a friend, a beloved pet – as they are dying. It is a mysterious, potent time to witness and midwife another, to encourage them that it’s okay to go on and to actively release them to leave the body. And once they die, it’s so striking that this sacred vessel of the body is not the same as the person. We suffer from attachment to that familiar physical form, when the spirit flies free.

If you orient to the continuity of the Soul and maintain relationships with the Ancestors, there is a diminishment of vivid contact you have with your beloveds who’ve died. With inner hearing and sensing we can receive messages and love, with prayer or ritual or loving thoughts we can communicate to them. I wish I had had more time with my father while he was alive, but I still feel our continuing conversation reverberate through my waking awareness.

May it be so for you and your lost ones. May you feel this ongoing process of grieving and saying goodbye, as well as the surprising new ways that the relationship continues and new wisdom is learned. The love doesn’t go away; it is transformed.



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Healing Quotes

“In order to be a good warrior, one has to feel this sad and tender heart.”

– Chogyam Trungpa

“Our only security is our ability to change.”

– John Lilly

“The absolute tranquility is the present moment. Though it is at this moment, there is no limit to this moment, and therein is eternal delight.”

– Hui-Neng

“It’s time again. Tear up the violets and plant something more difficult to grow.”

– James Schuyler

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

– E. M. Forster

“Don’t run away from grief, o soul
Look for the remedy inside the pain.
Because the rose came from the thorn
And the ruby came from a stone.”

– Rumi

“Now is the moment, Here is the place of Liberation.”

– Alex Grey

“We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.”

– Bill Hicks

“Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them…life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.”

– Gabriel Garcia Marquez

“Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color.”

– W. S. Merwin

“The next message you need is always right where you are.”

– Ram Dass

“Joy moves always to new locations,
the ease of its flow never freezing.
A long winter’s tale is over. Now
with each spring day, a new story.”

– Rumi

“Grief is not a task to finish,
And move on,
But an element of yourself –
An alteration of your being.
A new way of seeing,
A new definition of self.”

– Barb Mather

“There is deep wisdom within our very flesh, if we can only come to our senses and feel it.”

– Elizabeth A. Behnke

“Everything in life that we really accept undergoes a change. So suffering must become love. That is the mystery.”

– Katherine Mansfield

“The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty YES to your adventure.”

– Joseph Campbell