guiding you through grief, loss, and new life
Love, loss, and love again

Love, loss, and love again

My housemate and friend was dying of AIDS in the early 1990’s. He was a therapist and practically a boddhisattva, one who vows to come back again and again to serve others’ enlightenment. As he was busy dying, he was also coaching us on how to let him go. He counseled that the heart doesn’t just break, but it breaks OPEN. Our hearts grow bigger to love even more.

If you have ever risked loving, suffered great loss, and went on to love again, you understand. Life has a way of calling us out again.


The grief and pain we feel shows us who or what we loved; the depth of our feelings show us the vastness of that love. While the person, animal, role, home, job, health status, identity may be gone forever, that love is still there. We enter new territory, but that love has a way of continuing and transforming and accompanying us on the journey.

For a mom facing an empty nest, the strong practice of nurture could lead her on to share that much needed gift with others. Anyone losing a particular job could reevaluate what makes her feel most alive, harvest what was meaningful of that work, and follow that impulse forward.

And for those of us grieving loved ones, it helps to remember that we carry our beloveds in our very bodies – our memories and stories and who we’ve become out of loving them. And most importantly, the spirit to spirit connection remains. The loving relationship continues in a different form as they become our Ancestors.


Loss circles back to love, and love remains.


2 Responses to Love, loss, and love again

  1. Carol until I read your post I hadn’t stopped to consider how the recent death of my father is not just a loss of his presence but a change in the family dynamic that brings it’s own “new territory.” An ah-hah moment for me. Thank you so much.

    • Yes, Marleen, family dynamics change and it’s ‘new territory’ for everyone, which can bring fear, uncertainty, excitement, relief, deep sadness, everything and anything. Great observation! Can we be curious and open to what is now?

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Healing Quotes

“Joy moves always to new locations,
the ease of its flow never freezing.
A long winter’s tale is over. Now
with each spring day, a new story.”

– Rumi

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

– E. M. Forster

“The next message you need is always right where you are.”

– Ram Dass

“The absolute tranquility is the present moment. Though it is at this moment, there is no limit to this moment, and therein is eternal delight.”

– Hui-Neng

“There is deep wisdom within our very flesh, if we can only come to our senses and feel it.”

– Elizabeth A. Behnke

“Everything in life that we really accept undergoes a change. So suffering must become love. That is the mystery.”

– Katherine Mansfield

“The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty YES to your adventure.”

– Joseph Campbell

“In order to be a good warrior, one has to feel this sad and tender heart.”

– Chogyam Trungpa

“Now is the moment, Here is the place of Liberation.”

– Alex Grey

“We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.”

– Bill Hicks

“Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color.”

– W. S. Merwin

“Our only security is our ability to change.”

– John Lilly

“Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them…life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.”

– Gabriel Garcia Marquez

“Grief is not a task to finish,
And move on,
But an element of yourself –
An alteration of your being.
A new way of seeing,
A new definition of self.”

– Barb Mather

“It’s time again. Tear up the violets and plant something more difficult to grow.”

– James Schuyler

“Don’t run away from grief, o soul
Look for the remedy inside the pain.
Because the rose came from the thorn
And the ruby came from a stone.”

– Rumi