Liberate the Sibs!
Brothers and sisters and chosen siblings often defy the myth of automatic friends and lifelong companions. In these defining relationships, we can wear any mask and carry any archetypal energy. We can be equals in loving support, family loyalty, bitter rivalry, or indifference. Or we can get stuck in roles with an imbalance of power: the caregiver and the needy one, the guide and the follower, the protector and the vulnerable one.
How to thread the needle of being friends with siblings? Often we haven’t caught up with each other, making it hard to be present. We hardly know each other as grown ups, much less friends. I’m curious about liberating ourselves from old stories, roles, and expectations, turning to our siblings with fresh openness and curiosity. A huge challenge in these divisive times, yet healing in the family realm can bring so much inner peace and belonging and sense of deeper roots. A worthy endeavor.
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Being genuine friends and peers with a sibling is a double blessing. My younger sister and I have crafted a deep friendship since young adulthood. I knew that I needed someone from my family to understand me, or be willing to try, and she felt the safest bet. She’s a spirited musician and I’m an artist and writer, so we bond over creative endeavors. And a million other things. We’ve witnessed each other into being and encourage each other to keep growing. I love her dearly.
My older sister remains a mystery, her wiring and mine completely different. Our dad kept a little kid photo of us, on his office desk. 13 months apart, arms slung around each other, matching tops, We could not live up to the “Us pals!” story in that little frame. We connect over humor and creativity in a certain way, but I cannot share deeply with her about the psychological, emotional way I make sense of the world. Our connection is limited, and yet I’m curious about deepening the tenderness I feel toward her.
My brother is practically a stranger, perhaps even to himself. Health challenges and cultural trauma (I’m guessing) make him unavailable, I haven’t found the ‘there there’, with which to make a connection. So all I can do is send him love through the ethers,
So there’s a range of experiences I have as a sister. I also have a Soul Sister and other dear longtime friends, and yet remain a Quirky Alone with my Quirky Alone partner. I’m curious about who I would be had I grown up in a family that fostered us siblings as a team, rather than islands far away from our extended family. With generations of cultural loss, I’ve reclaimed much on my own. Such is the way of the artist healer.
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I’m looking to do my own work on my sibling relationships with the group I’m leading coming up in November. Read more about the 3-part Sibling Healing Circle and join us.
